cheap laugh

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Today's cheap laugh is about the intestinal side effects of Alli, one of those shit-yourself-slender products, courtesy of Gin and Tacos (h/t: konopelli at My Left Wing). Here's a taste (no pun intended!) of how G&T parodies Alli's side effects :

Such effects may include oily spotting


Eating fats leads directly to "oily" "spotting." So, in essence you will be a car with no muffler. The fats will bypass your digestive tract entirely and dribble out your ass like a leaky faucet. It will be like Chinese Water Torture for your underwear. In fact we can guarantee that the fat will go from your fork to your boxers in less than 5 minutes.

loose stools

Remember taking solid craps? Yeah, forget about that. With Alli at your side and in your system, it's nothing but mudbutt from now on.

and more frequent stools that may be hard to control.

We want to emphasize that you won't just have to go more often. You literally won't be able to stop it. No pinching-it-for-a-minute-until-I-find-a-bathroom. Just pure, raw power. Your ass will be like Buckingham Fountain. We're trying to downplay this, but I think you get the picture: the first time you take Alli and have a tablespoon of alfredo sauce, the structural integrity of your o-ring is going to be tested and most likely compromised.

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This page contains a single entry by cognitivedissident published on August 9, 2009 4:53 PM.

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