remembering Jesse Helms

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There are several ways to remember the long public career of the late Jesse Helms. One way, the delusional linking of Helms' pathology with the Founders' patriotism, is represented by Billy Graham:

In the tradition of Presidents Jefferson, Adams and Monroe -- who also passed on July 4th -- it is fitting that such a patriot who fought for free markets and free people would die on Independence Day. As we celebrate the birth of our nation, I thank God for the blessings we enjoy, which Senator Helms worked so hard to preserve.

Another way, less polite but far more accurate, is by the Rude Pundit's fantasia on "Jesse Helms in Heaven:"

Frankly, he was as surprised as anyone that he ended up in heaven. Jesse Helms had been sure that all the Christ-loving in the world wouldn't undo the harm that he knew he had done: his support for El Salvadoran death squad leader Roberto D'Aubuisson, about whom he had said, "All I know is that D'Aubuisson is a free enterprise man and deeply religious;" his support for the apartheid government of South Africa and antipathy to the African National Congress and Nelson Mandela; his support of Augusto Pinochet during and after the revelation of the horrific abuses of the dictator's regime. Yes, any of those actions, let alone his bigotry and hatred, should have meant that when his demented, crippled body finally gave out, his corrupt soul would have plunged immediately into the flames of hell for an eternity of being forced to give blow jobs to insatiable barbed-dick demons who'd plunge their spur-topped cocks so deeply into his mouth that they'd rip through the back of his head.

(There's plenty more rudeness where that came from...) In a somewhat lighter vein, the story of the giant inflatable condom that ACT-UP erected over Helms' home back in 1991 (h/t: Andy at Towleroad) should perhaps be replicated on his tombstone; it would be a fitting final "protection against Helms' bigotry and ignorance."

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This page contains a single entry by cognitivedissident published on July 8, 2008 2:26 PM.

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