Humor has been scarce here of late; here is an attempt to rectify that situation (h/t: Rick Perlstein at Campaign for America’s Future):
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his poll standings.
Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him: "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the President's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, Katrina, and the like. We'll gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if, during your sermon, you'd say the President is a saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."
Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop spoke:
"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President."
"George W. Bush is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people.
"He lied about WMDs, and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth.
"He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina.
"He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had in this country since the Depression.
"He instituted illegal wiretaps, when getting a warrant from a secret court would have been a mere administrative detail. Then he ignored his henchmen's' lies to Congress and claimed he's above the law.
"There's no doubt he heads the most corrupt, bribe-influenced political party since the Teapot Dome scandal.
"The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt, gas prices are up 55%, and vital research into global warming and stem cell therapy is crippled because he's afraid of some loudmouth right wing kooks.
"Yes, he is a poor example of a true Christian... But compared to Dick Cheney, George Bush is a saint."